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Somewhat Hit A Bottom

Old 08-09-2011, 06:33 AM
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Somewhat Hit A Bottom

I haven't been on here for a while...that's because I have fallen off the wagon. And it's gotten a bit worse...I'm not going to go into too much detail or this message will be the length of a novel.
I have been presented with another ultimatum, severe criticism and mockery for drinking right after work.
Anyways, this resulted in my leaving the house to get some quiet-time and losing my damn house key and then in a drunk stupor trying to look for it, asking for help from the bf to no avail and then drunk dialing two close friends in tears because I feel alone. This led to me going to the house to more arguing where his Mom began butting in with questions which have nothing to do with her. I can see she is trying to protect her son.
Anyways...this followed by him ignoring me and me going to bed to try and diffuse the situation...then I received an email from my Mom saying that she thinks I am purposely trying to destroy myself the last four years and that I am not the same anymore and that no one is going to help if I don't help myself. I felt like such a bad and hopeless child.
Anyways, it is now morning and it hasn't even hit 9am and his Mom asks to come down and talk to me...so she tries to force me to talk to her about whether I have a problem or not...that I get everything I want and that my bf gets me everything I want...like it were that easy. That I am not myself anymore {why is this a recurring theme here!?} and balbalbla....
I didn't really say much.
What could I say?
I seriously feel like I have failed everyone and that includes myself. And it is really disappointing. I am disappointed that my boyfriend doesn't want to talk to me and that he talks to his Mom who in turn comes to me.
I don't know what to do anymore and just feel like I need to be alone.
His Mom even suggested I go back home...

I don't know.
If I do - then it will all be over.
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Old 08-09-2011, 08:50 AM
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IMO Drinking equals Drama. Plain and simple. If you take alcohol out of the equation the drunk calling, fights over drinking, and Mom's interference will stop. What I love the most being sober is the drama is gone. I'm so relieved!

There is no need to feel badly .....just get some help. I feel so much better and I'm sure you will too!




Best Wishes To You!
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Old 08-09-2011, 09:00 AM
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Go to a meeting today. Tell the mom you are going to a meeting and that you won't discuss it with her. But she can be assured you are working on things--and she can tell the bf.

Then tell the bf to stop channeling through his mother. It is her business because it is her son, but he needs to deal with you himself on this issue if he wants to deal with you himself on any issue.

I'm sorry you are struggling though. The most important thing, no matter what, is to avoid drinking today.
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Old 08-09-2011, 02:06 PM
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Please don't take this as harsh but if you want to stop this life of drama and termoil, you need to take the first step. Most of all, YOU have to want it. I have lived 5 years with constant drama. I finally decided that I want a calmer, better, sober life. Nothing will get better when you do the same things over and over again. You don't have to hit bottom to want to quit drinking.
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Old 08-09-2011, 02:08 PM
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Bayliss,

You probably aren't yourself anymore, because chronic drinking alters one's personality. Opivotal is correct in that if you quit drinking, most of the drama will end, although it will take a while for you to readjust completely.

I know that many on here, myself included, have given you some suggestions. The only question you need to ask yourself is - have you had enough to try and quit for good, and not just on a trial basis?

Once you answer that, everything else will be easier.
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Old 08-09-2011, 02:17 PM
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I agree with Optival. When I was drinking, there was episode after episode of drama. Literally one thing after another. My life was chaotic. I never knew whether it was me or others that caused it..until I stopped. When I stopped, the drama stopped, too.

Not all of it was caused by me, that's true. But how I dealt with things was definitely MY problem, and one small thing could spiral into a huge chain of events - and I could never understand how everything got out of control so quickly.

I urge you, Bayliss, to reach out and get more help. Everyone around you is concerned. They are scared. You are, too.

Thanks for being honest on here with us. We do understand.
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Old 08-09-2011, 02:22 PM
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There's some great suggestions here Bayliss.

I think a lot of us do attract drama - it's the natural result of not being in our right minds a lot of the time. I know I made some really bad choices.

Drama is also the perfect reason to drink some more - it's self-engendering.

My life was drama - and I didn't even realise that was unusual until some months after I stopped drinking.

Act now - do something proactive recoverywise and break the cycle Bayliss

D
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Old 08-09-2011, 02:40 PM
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I love the drama free sober life. No arguments, fighting, or any other kind of upset. All gone now and what little I encounter is easily dealt with. No tears, no shame, no problems. Alcohol makes my life miserable and I no longer want it or the life it brings.
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Old 08-09-2011, 03:51 PM
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Thanks everyone for the responses.

I definitely agree with all of you that a sober free life is definitely a drama free one. That is for hella sure. I did some dumb things in the past while drunk - some super embarassing that I wouldn't even care to rehash.
When I was sober for those two weeks I actually didn't mind it all that much...I had some anxiety in the very beginning but I dealt with it.
I am again on day one and have some big anxiety and random bouts of crying. I have a couple of questions on that though that I will post in a new thread.

I definitely don't think that she should have meddled at all. It was a very random and uncomfortable situation.
It wasn't even 9am and I was still have asleep and hungover from the night before. My boyfriend wasn't talking to me and I just didn't need it right then and there.
It's funny - people will stand there and say to you "You have it so good - you have all the things you want and blalbalba" but that isn't always the case. It's an addiction...it's hard work and it's a process.

I really do want to change - I definitely crave...but I do want to get better and healthy and not have to deal with all of this. The only thing that I find is that I can get some anxiety and panic attacks and booze definitely helped to calm me down.

But thanks again to everyone posting.
I need to make some changes - because I love my boyfriend beyond anything. And I want to be with him forever.
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