I've been feeling worthless, like I don't have enough to give him, enough to help him through this. I never knew his feelings for me ran that deep, that he truly loved me. But I'm still not sure what to believe. It is so hard for me to trust him, and I want to believe that every word in that letter is true, but I'm still scared.
hi-
you have some great stuff on this thread. in someways there is nothing anyone says that can change or direct your thoughts and actions. i posted month after month fishing for answers i wanted to hear. although at the time i didn't realize that was what i was doing. i am not saying this is true for you. but what is true is that i shared that same confusion and uncertainty.
so, i spent a year tangled up in this. i tried everything possible, every approach, kindness, sternness, let her stay, dont let her stay. believe her, dont believe her. everything. i did the legwork finding detox, rehab for her, i stopped so she could do it for herself. the point is, you cannot turn this around on yourself. i beat myself up trying to figure out what more I could do. after her having several chances at detox and opportunities to be in programs, i started to see that she wasn't doing anything. now after a big move and having a great chance to start over, she returned to the life. there is NOTHING i can do about that, and there is NOTHING more that you need to give. NOTHING. you are clearly not lacking in the giving department, neither am i , and that is why i am saying to you, that people can tell you all of this, but inside it does not sit right and you try again and again, because you want so much to give and help. its a tough situation, and only through time and experience can you begin to see things ina different light.
as for the letter. good pints were made about it being all warm and fuzzy AFTER the shot. there is truth there. before a couple detox attempts, she would write me similar letters. i am not doubting the sincerity of there being deep embedded feelings there, but what happens is that the other stuff sort of overrides those feelings. it is similar to how addicts do not like themselves for being addicts. they say to themselves, one last time or that's it, next monday i am quitting, etc. i think deep down they wish they werent living that life, but the weight it too great to carry. i believe my alo loves me, but i also see that she is unable to love now. there are so many variable and personalities. i'd like to say- your bf loves you, but has to deal with this first. hell, i just realized i said i believe my alo loves me, but i question that at times. does she REALLY love ME or does she love having me as a buoy? i cannot say what your bf feels. i am a sucker for words. i read that letter and say he must love you, but even if he does, you cannot move forward together in this situation. sorry, i just rambled, must be the result of an hour long boring meeting.