Somewhat Hit A Bottom
I haven't been on here for a while...that's because I have fallen off the wagon. And it's gotten a bit worse...I'm not going to go into too much detail or this message will be the length of a novel.
I have been presented with another ultimatum, severe criticism and mockery for drinking right after work.
Anyways, this resulted in my leaving the house to get some quiet-time and losing my damn house key and then in a drunk stupor trying to look for it, asking for help from the bf to no avail and then drunk dialing two close friends in tears because I feel alone. This led to me going to the house to more arguing where his Mom began butting in with questions which have nothing to do with her. I can see she is trying to protect her son.
Anyways...this followed by him ignoring me and me going to bed to try and diffuse the situation...then I received an email from my Mom saying that she thinks I am purposely trying to destroy myself the last four years and that I am not the same anymore and that no one is going to help if I don't help myself. I felt like such a bad and hopeless child.
Anyways, it is now morning and it hasn't even hit 9am and his Mom asks to come down and talk to me...so she tries to force me to talk to her about whether I have a problem or not...that I get everything I want and that my bf gets me everything I want...like it were that easy. That I am not myself anymore {why is this a recurring theme here!?} and balbalbla....
I didn't really say much.
What could I say?
I seriously feel like I have failed everyone and that includes myself. And it is really disappointing. I am disappointed that my boyfriend doesn't want to talk to me and that he talks to his Mom who in turn comes to me.
I don't know what to do anymore and just feel like I need to be alone.
His Mom even suggested I go back home...
I don't know.
If I do - then it will all be over.