I don't know what to think anymore. It pains me to think that he just wrote that letter to manipulate me. I guess I was hoping that he was being sincere, that he does love me that much. But that's why I asked for insight from people who have been there before - I just didn't get the answers that I wanted to hear
Trust me, just because he wrote me a letter telling me how special I am to him does not mean that I'm going to let all of this go. I'm NOT OKAY, and I won't be until he gets the help he needs to recover from his addiction. But I've made the choice to stay in this relationship, because my feelings are genuine, I do love him with all of my heart. He is a wonderful, beautiful person with an extremely dangerous addiction. I have accepted that I cannot make him change and that I am powerless over his addiction. So, I'm moving onto the next step - believing that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. I'm letting go and taking care of ME, and I am letting God back into my life to guide me through my own recovery.