I know that I have to just deal with the loss but as soon as I start to feel anything I pick up again. I have dealt with it the days that I have been sober but it is to much. My kids end up taking the brunt of my pain, anger ect...
I really dont know how to deal with it without a drink. It is not only the grief that I can't deal with but it's also the pressure and responsibilities that I have on my own now. I do have family that are near by but that is a whole other issue that I can't and don't want to deal with right now.
Thank you all for your words and for letting me vent. It's helps to know that other people understand.