Mary- I can't answer most of your questions, but I do know that I felt much better when I got some distance from my AH. It is hard to work thru all the emotions when you are sucked into the chaos... Find some healthy space and really think about why you would EVER want to stay in this relationship.
It is so corny, but the poem
"if you love something let it free
If it comes back to you ...."
Let him and you be free to get the help you need and see if their is hope to come back together healthy...if not then at least you will be healthy and able to reach out to the right kind of man that can give AND take in a good way. Hang in there- I know how bad it can feel in the middle, and I won't tell you it isn't bad when you leave...it is a hard road, but it is leading somewhere....the road you are on with him isn't....Good luck to you. AND I LIKE YOUR HAIR :-)
Diane