I keep feeling I need to leave...

Old 08-21-2004, 03:00 PM
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Unhappy I keep feeling I need to leave...

My b/f has been sober for 6 weeks. He is still rude to me, ignores me, isn't emotionally there for me. Our sex life is a oneway street. I know TMI. We have a 2 year old together. It just kills me to watch him with our son. He loves him so much but yet he doesn't want to work on us. He told me last night he doesn't love me and I honesty think he never has. He told me he couldn't stand me and how pathetic I am. I try to get near to him but I just get rejection. Everything I do is wrong. He actually told me he wants me to move out. He found that I was past due on a few bills. Honestly I am not good with money. When he got drunk and unrulely I shopped. IT made me feel good at the time. Since finding the bills are past due. He unleashed last night. My heart is aching....I do care for him. My instinct is telling me to leave. I think me and my son will be better off. It isn't healthy for him to watch us fight. I don't know why I have such a hard time between my head and heart. I am just sick of getting walked on....and dealing with his anger my anger....I wish I could make things right. I think its too far gone. Does anyone have any advice...How do I work thru all of the CHAOS? The thought of me packing up to leave makes me want to wail. The tears keep flowing. Does it get better once you leave ???? How do I know if I am making the right decision? Why should I stay? I have been looking for an apartment, he doesn't know it. I have until thursday to make a decision. Any advice? Mary
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Old 08-21-2004, 03:09 PM
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Hey Mary,
Make your decsion based on what will make you happy.
Are you happy with him?
It doesn't sound like it.
There is life beyond the chaos.
There really is.
It just doesn't happen all at once.
After you get beyond all the emotion, make a plan.
Every day, do something to put that plan into action.
Be easy on yourself and take this one step at a time.
Hugs,
Gabe
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Old 08-21-2004, 09:24 PM
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Post Drowning slowly

Thanks Gabe for the advice. I know there is happiness out there beyond this. I don't know why I sit here with my concrete boots on slowly drowning in this abyss of chaos of life. Tonight I packed four boxes. My plann is tommorrow to go and purchase forty dollars worth of totes to start packing me and the kids up to go explore our new life. I am just waiting on my credit check for the apartment. Its going to hard for me to walk out the door, my gut says it is the right thing to do. I am listening to my inner voice and going with it. I know he will be shocked, and once again I will be the bad person. Oh well so be it. I feel everyday I am miserable with him...I am missing out on one day of happiness. I want to be truly happy before I check out of this world. We have been living together for almost 5 years. I haven't been good enough for him. I cut and colored my hair and he said I disrespected him for when I did that. He claims that is why our sex life stopped. He cann't stand looking at me. Geez....I cann't win with him. Mary
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Old 08-22-2004, 08:32 PM
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Mary- I can't answer most of your questions, but I do know that I felt much better when I got some distance from my AH. It is hard to work thru all the emotions when you are sucked into the chaos... Find some healthy space and really think about why you would EVER want to stay in this relationship.
It is so corny, but the poem
"if you love something let it free
If it comes back to you ...."
Let him and you be free to get the help you need and see if their is hope to come back together healthy...if not then at least you will be healthy and able to reach out to the right kind of man that can give AND take in a good way. Hang in there- I know how bad it can feel in the middle, and I won't tell you it isn't bad when you leave...it is a hard road, but it is leading somewhere....the road you are on with him isn't....Good luck to you. AND I LIKE YOUR HAIR :-)
Diane
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Old 08-22-2004, 08:48 PM
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the girl can't help it
 
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((((Marblack)))-

I am glad you are such a strongh person that even through the pain you can get up and take care of yourself. God bless your heart!!! I believe you are doing the right thing. Nobody needs to listen to that kind of cr@p. Welcome to the land of the living doll!!!
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