Anvil,
GREAT point.....I know that I get that itch to contact my husband and definitely see that it is to avoid focusing on painful places in me. A little turmoil distracts me from the turmoil and grief, figuring out my own life. It is so addictive and makes so much sense once you see it for what it is.
I had a therapy appt on Wednesday and I told the counselor about how sad I had been up until my husband and I began a series of spars and interactions. The sadness - which is VERY painful for me - disappeared and I was able to use anger/anxiety as my drug to numb the pain from the sadness. Until I found Alanon I never was able to bear the pain and ran to either more chaos or the next man to connect with - generally in an unhealthy way.
I'm glad that you pointed this out. I bet it's helping a whole lot more people than just MGR and myself!!