You guys, thank you so much for taking the time to respond, I truly, truly appreciate it.
Jabba I wouldn't mind so much going to meetings, because they are free and pretty convenient to get to. Really wouldn't mind a counselor either, as long as my insurance would pay for it. I called one guy and he said he preferred not to counsel me while I was actively drinking, he said to achieve 30 days of sobriety and call him back, not so sure how to do that without assistance from AA and SR.
"If you want to get sober, stay sober and have a helluva happy life ---- You're GOING to have to do a lot of things you don't want to do."
As in, live honestly, tell people how you're feeling, apologize when you're wrong, admit mistakes, enjoy social events without social lubricants? Ahhhhhh all the things I really don't like to do! At least not at this point in time. I am not used to dealing with my past or confronting myself and others. I want a quick fix! I want to pick up a bottle and watch it all go away, the only problem is the more I do that, the more past and confrontations I have to deal with. So therein lies the problem that I seem to have . I want that clean, joyous life that SSIL75 describes without having to all the work it takes to get there. And I know that one day, and probably soon, I will get humiliated enough, or sick enough, or just tired enough to finally push myself past that inertia, but I don't really want to get to that point is the point. I do a lot of thinking and not much doing, when I know the answer is just to get off my butt and just do something, anything, until something works.