I too walked in those shoes. Amazing how alcohol becomes your entire life. I have no magic formula as what works for each of us is different, but for me, I knew deep down that what I was doing was not working, and I was watching everything good in my life slowly slipping away (very very slowly but the erosion was happening indeed). I needed to patch the holes. Get my boat sailing again. I was READY for change. I knew I had to. If meetings are not your thing (mine neither) I suggest a face to face alcohol counselor (that is what i do) once a week at least. It keeps me 'grounded' and accountable. I also helps to talk extremely openly to someone....someone who undertsnads the disease or has been there. I can talk to my wife, but I know she will never truely understanhd what I went through, and am going through. Participate here at SR, it was another big step i made. having a support system is critical. i chose not to tell many people in my life but coming here and having the freedom to tell thousands is liberating. Good luck to you and do not give up.