Originally Posted by
AutumnBeauty 
Believe me...I've been lurking on this board and am not blowing off at the words of wisdom you all are sharing.
It is, however, tempting for me to "indulge with denial or hope" that he is not an alcoholic. I don't understand enough about what physiologically occurs in an alcoholic's body or mind. I really have a hard time understand how he can suddenly have a period of sobriety (for weeks or months) and be free of withdrawl symptoms - it makes me wonder if he's truly addicted? He claims he has only had a few beers all week. So then I wonder...does his ability to stop after 1 or 2 beers in a day (assuming he's telling the truth) mean that he's not really an alcoholic? Or does he have to drink those few beers to keep withdrawl symptoms at bay? How long does it take to build up a tolerance? Conversely, how long does it take for the tolerance to decrease during a period of alleged sobriety?
I'm not saying that I don't think he's an alcoholic....I'm just verbalizing the thoughts I have when I'm tempted to question myself and believe in him. My mind and heart feel like they are on opposite ends of a seasaw right now.
Hi Autumn... I've been reading this thread, also looking for guidance. Ten years ago, I was where you are now...dating a man who's drinking bothered me. I married him, had two kids, and drank a whole bunch myself to avoid the awareness that I wasn't happy. That's not why I'm reading your thread though. I am in the process of leaving my marriage and struggle with the same back and forth you're going through now. It is difficult to stay strong, to work through awareness and believe it's worth it to leave. I've read that we need to make decisions based on the "now" rather than on "what might be". If you aren't happy now, and haven't been for several months, then you aren't happy. I have also had two or three conversations with my husband (in the past year) about how his drinking bothers me, and nothing has led him to change. Now that I've said I want to separate, he's not drinking. Great. The big problem is that he doesn't think he has an issue with alcohol. This means that in a week, or a month, or a year, he'll pick up. And then I'll be right where we started.
I wish you the best with your decision. I think if you can trust your instincts fully, you'll know just what to do. It will be hard. Nothing is more difficult than living with an alcoholic though. I promise.