Originally Posted by
AutumnBeauty 
Believe me...I've been lurking on this board and am not blowing off at the words of wisdom you all are sharing.
It is, however, tempting for me to "indulge with denial or hope" that he is not an alcoholic. I don't understand enough about what physiologically occurs in an alcoholic's body or mind. I really have a hard time understand how he can suddenly have a period of sobriety (for weeks or months) and be free of withdrawl symptoms - it makes me wonder if he's truly addicted? He claims he has only had a few beers all week. So then I wonder...does his ability to stop after 1 or 2 beers in a day (assuming he's telling the truth) mean that he's not really an alcoholic? Or does he have to drink those few beers to keep withdrawl symptoms at bay? How long does it take to build up a tolerance? Conversely, how long does it take for the tolerance to decrease during a period of alleged sobriety?
I'm not saying that I don't think he's an alcoholic....I'm just verbalizing the thoughts I have when I'm tempted to question myself and believe in him. My mind and heart feel like they are on opposite ends of a seasaw right now.
This thinking sounds perfectly normal to me. I know I have done it myself. It's not uncommon for reality (mind) and desire (heart) to clash! The trick is to keep the balance between what your mind says and what your heart feels.
Accepting my reality....that I had married an alcoholic...was a hard first step, but once it was made, I could no longer look at it any way else, no matter how much I wanted to. Denial is often a cozy safe place to live. Until it isn't anymore. And when reality smacks you upside the head - there's no way around it - it just hurts.
There are many good books available to learn about alcoholism and addictions. But it doesn't change the fact that you are bothered by his drinking, therefore it is a problem for you, regardless of what he thinks or feels. Check out amazon.com...and visit the alcoholism forum here, too.