So I talked with my fiance tonight. Everything he said felt sincere but totally twisted at the same time.
He said he "is not going to let us break up over alcohol. That is a simple fix. He will just quit." He insisted he is not addicted - that he does not get withdrawl symptoms - so he can easily just not drink at all anymore.
Me:
But I told you 1.5 yrs ago & 1 year ago that I was afraid you were becoming an alcoholic and that I would leave if you didn't stop drinking or at least significantly cut back.....and both times he was heavily drinking again after a few months.
Him:
That's because I didn't know it was do or die. I didn't know it bothered you so much. If I have to choose between you or alcohol, I choose you."
Me:
But you cant' quit for me. You have to be quitting for you.
Him:
I am quitting for me if I'm doing it because I want to be with you. Besides its not like I can't stop after one or two drinks.
Me:
From what I've seen, 1-2 drinks always turns into 8-20 drinks.
Him:
That's just when I drink Rum. I'm fine if I drink beer. This week I've drank twice. Each time I only had 1-2 beers.
Me:
Then why do you always buy a bottle of Rum when I visit?
Him:
Because YOU like to drink rum. I would not drink much if I drank beer instead of rum
(Btw...this is laughable. I really don't drink and I don't have a preference. He always jokes that I mix one drop of liquor with my Coke).
Me:
You tried that a year ago. You said you didn't like beer because it made you feel too full - that it took too much to get a buzz - so you switched back to rum.
Him:
No i didn't. I've never tried that.
Me:
Have you ever looked at any questionaires that diagnose alcoholism. From what I've seen, you appear to test positive for early alcoholism in all of them.
Him:
Yes, I've looked. Maybe I would have tested positive a year ago when I traveled monthly with the military. But I'm a lot better now. I'm not positive anymore.
Me:
You just drank 8-20+ servings of alcohol per day during our last two visits. You were worse a year ago?
Him:
Oh yeah, that's all my buddies and I would do on those trips. We'd go out and drink all night, every night. My tolerance was way higher than. 20+ servings of alcohol a night was nothing back then. I don't go out anymore. Its really not a problem at all.
Me:
.....crickets....
Him:
I really hope you'll give me a chance so I can prove it to you. I'll just stop drinking. I'm certain this is a simple fix. I've hardly drank a thing the past few weeks. I knew I was going to have to cut back anyway when you moved here because you probably wouldn't like how much I was drinking.
Me:
But if the military starts sending you on trips again, won't you be going out and binge drinking with the boys again? I think the alcohol is what is causing your high blood pressure
Him: Nope, I can limit it. After you talked with me a year ago, I'd only have 2-3 drinks with them. My blood pressure was high before I ever started drinking.
Me:
And what do you mean by "cut back?" Do you drink a lot during the week or when I'm not around?
Him:
Nope. I hardly drink at all. Its really not a problem. Why don't you move here and let me prove it to you? I'm not like the people you've read about in those books. If you break it off, we'll both miss out on each other; A year from now I still won't be drinking but by then we'll both be with other people.
Anyway...that was the conversation. It felt a little like a merry-go-round. I really want to believe him. He seems so self-convinced he can quit that it makes me wonder if I'm wrong about him.
Does this sound like typical alcoholic speak?