bruingirl

I recently made the decision to talk to XABF after months of NC. Mostly I wanted to get a ring back that I had given XABF during the time we were together. It was my father's before he passed away and is very special to me.

At first, XABF seemed to be really sweet over the phone and well on his way to recovery. Then, out of nowhere, he started blowing me off. Made an excuse not to show up to the meeting we were to have when he would give me said ring. I asked what the deal was regarding his change in behavior towards me, to which he finally replied:

"I'm scared to talk because I want us to be together forever bruingirl. I still do and thats why its hard to talk to you. It scares me and I miss you more than you can or will ever understand and I wake up everyday regretting my actions and thoughts. Im sorry I've been ignoring you but I haven't moved on and that's why it hurts. I guess I dont want to let go of the ring just yet because it still helps me get through rough spots. Im just being selfish."

I'm moving across the country in mid-August and told him after that that I needed it before then and we didn't have to talk at all about anything else. He started saying things like "I'm not your BF, I'm not obligated to do anything" and then started ignoring my texts and emails altogether (even though they were SOLELY about getting the ring and written in a professional manner). I have also offered that we exchange it through friends or parents so we don't have to see each other, all to no avail.

In the time since this has been going on he's posted statuses on facebook quoting things related to recovery, but I know him enough to know this is a show he is putting on. It feels like he's been putting on a show since we've broken up. Right away he got into a relationship with the naive younger girl he cheated on me with and stopped trying to contact me AT ALL. For him, he is the kind of A that drinks because he wants to "erase" everything. And it feels like he is doing all these things because he wants to erase me.

I think deep inside he probably KNOWS that this is an ineffective way of dealing with emotions. I'm sure he does/will have resentment/guilt/pain from the breakup. I feel it's a combination of all of this that keeps him stringing me along without really letting me go. If he really didn't care and if he really was in recovery, to give me my ring back would not be a big deal. If anything he should easily give me the ring so he can move on finally too. But he won't do that. He has no excuse for the way I've acted to him either, as I've been nothing but kind, professional, and patient.

I'm not sure what to think of it all? I've always considered myself a realistic optimist and strive to see the good in everyone, including him. But I just don't know what to think. On the one end I want to feel badly for him because I'm sure there is a lot of turmoil inside going on about what he did and he isn't dealing with it properly, but on the other I can't feel sorry for him if he keeps choosing this path of not addressing his remorse but not letting it go either.