From pages 88 to 89 big red book.The paradox of independance is that only in separation do we find the courage and strength to live in the world as complete human beings,capable of giving and recieving love,of creating out of a sense of wholeness.In normal seperation,children are reassured by leaving and returning to consistent and loving parents,and then carry these parents inside to remind themselves they are safe and loved.As children of alcoholics/ or desfunctional parents etc,we internalize parents who are filled with rage and self hate and who have projected these feelings onto us.We carry this negetive view of ourselves,feeling insecure and frightned of our own self rejection and been rejected by others.We remain in the same double-bind we experienced as children,unable to detach from or remain WITH the people who caused us harm.
These words have been of great help to me,I realise now why I fear abandonment/rejection,criticism,by others. At times its as if others sense this weakness in me and can easilly hurt me intentionally/or un intentionally.Shalom.