Welcome to you Becky!
I want to drink because I just thought about my problem. Is that unusual?
Nope, not unusual. At least not unusual for this recovering drunk. I would think about my problem, then have to go get smashed just to avoid it.
You've taken the first steps..... you've admitted you have a problem and you want to change it.
I'm with Chy when she comments on your 'soul mate'. That is not a loving attitude.