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When does the magic time to quit happen

Old 08-20-2004, 08:05 AM
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When does the magic time to quit happen

Hello, I'm Becky B and I know I am an alcoholic. But, I keep on trying to quit or cut down on my own. I went to two AA meetings once. I found it very suppporting. But, I really don't want to quit. Eventhugh, I'm destroying myself. My husband doesn't want me to quit, because then I can't "party" with him when he is off work. I need support and help here. I don't have the means to go into a treatment center. I sometimes wish I could. I need an emotional overhaul.
Any advice much appreciated. I didn't get drunk last night, but I had 6 shots in 3 drinks, and that's not moderation, I know. I have a problem.
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Old 08-20-2004, 08:20 AM
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Hi Becky,

Welcome! You've taken the first step by recognizing that you have a problem with alcohol. I'm Anna, alcoholic and I tried to cut down too and it never worked. But, you can stop, it can be done and we're here to support you. Just take small steps, don't let yourself be overwhelmed. And, I think a bonus of stopping drinking for me was that it was an emotional overhaul. I'm not the same person now and I'm glad of that!

As far as your husband not wanting you to stop drinking, that's difficult, but you will need to decide what you want to do for yourself. If you want to take care of yourself, then stopping drinking is the right thing. And, if your husband won't support you, you can find lots of support here.

Hang around and keep posting.

Love, Anna
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Old 08-20-2004, 08:26 AM
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((((Hi Becky))))
Welcome to Sober recovery! Sounds like your saying, "enough is enough".
Well you have come to the right place for help with your "problem". There are a lot of wonderful people here with a lot of support and ESH to offer. Check out our Alcoholism forums, you can get a lot of help and support there. And we are also having an AA meeting in the chat room this evening at 5:00PM Pacific time; we would be glad if you could come by and check it out.
I'm looking forward to getting to know you so keep coming back. Love, Bonni
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Old 08-20-2004, 08:38 AM
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Hey Becky...
Welcome to Sober Recovery!

I'm a multi-addict... ;o)

I tried to control my addictions through willpower... but ... my willpower is dis-eased so pretty much didn't get anywhere.

That niggling knowledge in the back of my mind that my life was seriously out of control wouldn't leave me alone though. So.. finally I walked into a 12 Step meeting. I haven't regretted that action for one second in the 16 years since.

There is loads of sanity on this forum... I hope you avail yourself of it's bounty... ;o)
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Old 08-20-2004, 08:50 AM
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Hey Becky, and Welcome. You've admitted you got a problem Congratulation, very good start on your First Step. My wife and I are in recovery she before me, our addictions had us so far apart we almost lost our love for one another. Seeing her try so very hard not to drink while I was "parting it up" and then she manage to go for days at a time, and was always going to meetings and talking about the good people she met, and for the first time in a long time she seem happy. This all made me want what she was getting "Happiness" and helped me to hit bottom. The only advice I'm able to give is for you to start going back to the meetings, and start working on Becky....................Peace.
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Old 08-20-2004, 09:32 AM
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Thnaks, I need all the suppore I can get

Thank you all so much for help. Sometimes, I want to drink because I just thought about my problem. Is that unusual? In gereral, I guess,it's the denial. If i'm drunk, I won't think about my problem? well, no. I know better than that. If I get drunk today, I will be right back where I was and am. Regret, self-pity, uncertainty about everything, depression, you name it. I hope to get to the chat meeting this evening.
Becky B
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Old 08-20-2004, 11:00 AM
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Welcome, I am new here also. AH is 11 months into his recovery. I can't talk from experience only from going through it with my AH, but glad to see you recognized your problem.

As far as your husband, you need to let him know that you have a new focus now and that new focus is you and getting your life back together.
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Old 08-20-2004, 11:25 AM
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welcome Becky B and keep posting it is a great way to get the support you need. you will find your happiness one step at a time. love-alice
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Old 08-20-2004, 11:45 AM
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Hi Becky,
Entertaining the idea of being sober is a tennis game at first. Should I...shouldn't I...should I....shouldn't I. You're at a cool stage right now where you're questioning the whole idea of drinking. My hats off to you for how much you've accomplished so far. The first solution to solving the problem is admitting you have a problem. The answers will come in time, but you've got a little work to do one minute/hour/day at a time. My prayers are with you today.
Hugs
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Old 08-20-2004, 12:07 PM
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Hi Becky and welcome!
I was in that limbo state for many years knowing I needed to but not wanting to! Afterall, how was I to relax, have fun, let go? I really feared it. I find it hard to fathom when people say their spouses don't support them. I believe it though, just don't understand how someone can be so selfish to allow their "soul mate" to kill themselves.

Anyway, I'll save that for another day. Girl, if you want to quit, you quit, it's your life! I'd like to suggest going back to AA as I know I couldn't do it alone, lord know's I tried.
The important thing is your here, and we're very glad you found us. We'll be your means of support!
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Old 08-20-2004, 01:55 PM
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Some research suggests successful change often involves moving through identifiable stages:
  • precontemplation - denial - not aware a problem exists
  • contemplation - awareness, but no readiness - thinking, often worrying
  • preparation - resolving ambivalence - getting ready for action
  • action - edgy but increasingly determined - happy to be moving forward
  • maintenance - integrating the change into ordinary life over time

It's not a model that describes everyone, but you sound like you could be in something of a preparation stage -- resolving your ambivalence, getting clearer about wanting something different, pondering how you'll handle the change with hubby and/or others.

Peace and health to you, Becky... you sound like you're on a steady path to a better place, and better health.
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Old 08-20-2004, 03:15 PM
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Welcome to you Becky!

I want to drink because I just thought about my problem. Is that unusual?
Nope, not unusual. At least not unusual for this recovering drunk. I would think about my problem, then have to go get smashed just to avoid it.

You've taken the first steps..... you've admitted you have a problem and you want to change it.

I'm with Chy when she comments on your 'soul mate'. That is not a loving attitude.
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Old 08-20-2004, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Becky B
then I can't "party" with him when he is off work.
Hi, I'm Ken -- I'm an alcoholic. Today is day one for me (again), hopefully my last day one.
Welcome to SR. My "magic" time to quit is right now. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. You mentioned "partying," well my partying sucked, and drinking was no more fun, and just a means to numb myself. Not a way to live.

Tonight I go back in the doors of AA, get my program together and learn how to live. I am an emotional mess too, Becky, I think we all are to some extent. AA can show me the way to live with my emotions, if I do the work.

I hope you find your way!
Ken
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Old 08-21-2004, 02:24 AM
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Becky B,
The miricle hits the day you wake up and know it is time to do something without worrying about all the reasons why you "SHOULD" quit but realising today is the first day!You said in your post that you dont really want to quit so maybe it is not your time yet.
When the time comes it will be because you are ready to control the addiction not let the addiction control you.
Good luck!Lots of prayers and thoughts your way.
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Old 08-21-2004, 06:05 AM
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Welcome to SR Becky! Glad you found us. The 'magic' began for me when I decided to face all the unmagical and uncomfortable parts of my life, not numb them anymore with drugs/alcohol. Many ways to do this, AA and SMART are two ways, I use a mixture of a little bit of everything. Find a program that works for you, and work it. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

((((((((((Welcoming Hugs))))))))))))))
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Old 08-21-2004, 07:31 AM
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Welcome, Becky!! You have made a great step just by coming here. I knew I needed to quit for YEARS before I actually did something about it. I was just so dam* scared. What I really wanted was to be able to control and enjoy my drinking. I spent alot of miserable time trying to do that. What I have found, through AA and a solid program of recovery, is that it is much easier to just not take a drink or drug at all. I don't have to think about it all the time anymore. I don't have to worry about when I will drink, how much, what I will do, how I will cope, what mistakes I will make, etc. I think that is what they mean by "freedom" from addiction. It is not easy, but it is simple, and it is worth it.

Hang in there, and keep posting--we are all here for you!
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