"I think it's important to understand that _they_ change their own reality to suit their addiction. I don't think it's a matter of accepting it as much as being aware of it so you can better protect yourself."
I totally agree with that statement. My mothers reality is in no way, shape or form what it was 30 years ago.
It has been up to me to roll with the punches. I believe that long term heavy alcohol use alters the mind. My mom is now 85, coupled with the alcohol she now has dementia.
This really adds a new twist to her reality.
I am sorry that you are struggling. For me, I have to use all my tools in my tool box, to stay focused, and a arms length away from her. I must preserve my reality and my well being.
Perhaps your preception of your mother is all that changed, sometimes when we face the absolute truth, our own reality comes to the forefront and that can be very scarey.
Keep reading and posting, it will help.