Hi. Thanks for your reply
Well, we were never legally married- but have gone through court in regards to visitation/custody agreements.
Good question on the motivation. At first I didn't really think anything about it. I thought it was good to stay on friendly terms- it just made things easier. And as long as he was sober, I really didn't have any problems. I can kind off guess as to when he resumed drinking by looking back at when some of his old behaviors started up again- of course I didn't realize it at the time. I just thought he was acting like a Donkey. In the past few months the behavior has escalated and I found myself feeling 'sucked in' to drama, conflicts, and manipulations. I'm getting more aware of it now- although I confess to not always handling it right. Like when he insinuated I was going out of town for 'adult relations' and then screamed at me when I wouldn't come home two hours earlier than I had planned.
As far as the party goes... I think he is using it as a way to re-engage me because I have been keeping our chitchat to a minimum- only talking about her and then having to hang up for whatever reason otherwise. I'm finding that the less I deal with him the more relief I feel. For instance- he gave us a ride to the airport and during the short ride managed to belittle me in front of the kiddo. We took a taxi back and I realized how much less stressful (although expensive) that was. One year at her party I ordered a beautiful princess cake and he yelled at me in front of everyone because how could I be so stupid as to forget the candles?? what kind of idiot does that?? (he was actively drinking then too). I don't think he would sneak a drink at her party- but he might be on a dry drunk and social gatherings have always been a trigger for him. I just don't want to deal with it.
I was thinking of telling him that I'm sure whatever party he plans for her would be fine and that I'm sorry he was under the impression we were doing a group thing this year but I had planned on doing something on my own with her... is that enough do you think?