Ask God for forgivness, and He shall give it to you. Live your life in order to make HIM proud from here on out, He does forgive us of our sins. He gave His only son so that we could sin. Ask and you shall recieve.
I hope your heart settles soon! You establish your relationship with God on your terms (and His) and leave the rest. Take what you want and leave the rest. I'm very spiritual, but I don't go to church. My church is being among the tress and the birds and the flowers, that's where I feel closest to God. God doesn't care HOW you do, so long as you DO do it!
Good luck on your journey, you'll be in my prayers!
Serenity to all,
HopeSprings