You know, I just remembered how I used to feel when I would snoop on AH. Like vomiting. My heart would race. It was awful.
I can't remember the process I went through to stop doing that. I think it was because I thought I would die if something didn't change. I remember that part. I also do remember being at AH's house one day and having the opportunity to look in his phone and instead of feeling entitled, like I needed to know in order to keep tabs on what he was really doing, because of how he lied to me so much of course. But that day i remember that, instead of wanting to know what he was doing, I wanted peace. I wanted to not have my heart broken.
And by that point, I had started to really engage in my life. Love it, you know.
I hope this helps. I want you to know you can have peace. It's hard work I say, but letting go of the obsession with my AH offers me the peace I've looked for all along.