Boy I feel like we live parallel lives, except my vice is wine. My birthday was on Tuesday, so naturally I celebrated hard all weekend.
I've been a moderate to heavy drinker since college, but was at least able to stop while I was pregnant both times. I'm now 36, and am so full of regret for what I've put my body through, and what I've put my kids through. I just hope I haven't done irreparable damage to either. Maybe they're young enough that if I stop now, they won't have memories of me getting drunk so much.
I'll tell you, I fell hard about a year ago, right after Olivia was born. I found out my husband cheated. We're working through it but I had a full year of self-hate, anger, sadness, depression, you name it. I became a stay at home mom, and for the first time in my adult life didn't work. I lived in a new city, across the country from family or friends. It was horrible. We're rebuilding and I finally feel hope that my marriage will be okay. I went to talk with my pastor last week, maybe that's why I have hope? I don't know, but I know I start to slip when I don't feel hopeful about my marriage. I think that's the key for me - when I feel sad or anger about what he did, I pull out the bottle.