I divorced a possessive "psycho". He punched me in the back when I was walking away from him after I told him I wanted a divorce. He pushed me down. And he made me feel worthless. But, one day I realized, I will not be pushed around. So, I laid out the ground work of my "escape". When I told him we WERE getting divorced, he threatened to kill himself. I was scared that he might, but thought I can't control what he does, and he will not lock me in. At this time in my life, thankfully, I did not drink, or I probably would have beat the crap out of him in a drunken rage.
But, I guess, what I'm trying to tell you gals in a possible hurtful relationship - keep yourself sober first. Make sure you can do this. Every thing else will be more clear. You won't spontaneously react and do something you shouldn't. I don't know where you are all at in your relationships. But, remember as mentioned by others. Abuse is not just physical, it's verbal as well. No one deserves to be told they are useless or ugly or whatever. And someone saying "I'm sorry" over and over for the same actions is a broken record.
So, stay strong, stick to your guns (don't load them...don't want to hear about you on the news), and sobriety will help you make better decisions about what you need to do.
When I got divorced I actually bought the "Divorce for Dummies" - can you believe it - it had the forms and everything! I don't encourage divorce as I encourage people to work it out if at all possible. But, also staying married because of kids can cause more harm to the kids if your spouse is not willing to work on change. You can't change them, they have to want to change themselves.
I just feel bad for you. (I honestly want to reach out and slap the crap out of your men.) I really have a good husband, so not sure why I got so wrapped up in drinking. He's been through a lot of hell in his life, but has continued to prove that you have to move on. And he's never taken it out on me.
And in regards to a spouse still drinking. If my hubby wants to have an occasional beer or two with a friend or my Dad, I honestly won't mind. Right now, he is not drinking with me - he's on Day 6 right now. But, I know he really likes a cold beer. He knows I will hold him to not overindulging, though. But, it's all in what you can and cannot do.
Squishy - aspririn, tylenol, advil - none of that stuff touches these "detox" headaches we have. I tried, and just gave up. Sorry about your PMS...yikes - I'll try not to tick you off!
Day 3 - hooray! You are a trooper for what you endure on a daily basis.
On to supper. Stay strong!