I would do over in a heart beat if I could still have my kids!
I would not wish this tortured existence on ANYONE. My motivation for finally leaving him was my kids. I didn't want them to grow up believing that this is normal - it's not.
Somebody made reference to the book "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. Amazing book - you truly should read it. Your current situation sounds so familiar to mine it's spooky. Truly listen to what you read here - it doesn't get better! I hoped for four years and it only got progressively worse! I realized there was some real anger issues in addition to drinking when we had to go home early from being out w/ friends because our middle child wasn't breathing well and my mom called us home. He punched a wall!!!! Turned out that he actually broke his hand. Hmmm... scary stuff... I kept thinking that could be me or one of the kids some day.