Being in an abusive marriage or relationship (verbal, emotionsl, physical) is no fun, but a nice way to protect sobriety is to remember the things we can control and the things we cannot. Our spouses can continue to be, ahem, 'who they are', whether we drink or not. Mine is still exactly who she was without me drinking. But, I can choose to not pick up. Those people and their behaviors are definitely triggers, I don't care what others say.