OMG I just had the most amazing realization!
If I give up on "healing" this marriage, it means, somewhere deep inside of me to that four year old little girl, that my chances of finally getting my parents to love me has failed.
I know it sounds crazy, but this entire relationship has been based on my inner childs drive to prove I am lovable.
God I'm relieved to recognize this. Now I can rationalize with that poor frightened little girl, show her what REAL love and respect is and take care of her.
Cause no one else will