Ha! "Hang in there," is perfect. Thank you.
The good, or perhaps horrifying, thing is that there never WAS love in our relationship Not like yours. You guys were friends first, for a good long while. AH and I have never been friends. Only enemy combatants. Horrible really in retrospect.
It's all my fault, really. I followed him around, when he made it clear he didn't want me. I loved it. It fit perfectly with my abandonment/rejection issues.
I went back to him when we broke up early on and I started dating someone else and THEN he wanted me.
I took him back after multiple affairs.
I took focused on him for 14 years: his drinking, his attraction to other women. I didn't get a life. It was too scary looking within.
Now I prefer looking within. I really do. And I know my worth, I know this will be a long hard process that will give me freedom, finally.