Sorry about that. I was on my way to the shower and did a quick search on "Karpman Drama Triangle" and posted the first link that came up. Now that I look at it, I see that you not only read it, but participated when it was posted.
There is a lot more about it available if you google it. The explanations posted on that particular thread also didn't ring true for me, but the Karpman Triangle is something my therapist worked with me on, so that is what I was relating to.
Here's how I see it. The positions of
persecutor and
rescuer are the positions of power. That is why they are on top of the inverted triangle. However, I cannot maintain the power roles without occasionally slipping into the
victim role. For me it looked something like this:
I would "win" and argument, belittle my AH, catch him doing something clearly wrong, or whatever. (me as persecutor, him as victim)
Then he would get all remorseful, promise to stop drinking, profess his love, or whatever. I would believe him and get on board with "helping" him to be a better person. (now I'm the rescuer and he is the victim)
Pretty soon, he's sick of my self-righteousness and decides to drink, or leave, or tell me what a bitch I am, or whatever. (now he's the persecutor and I am the victim)
Then he gets to throw me some crumbs of affection which I gladly and eagerly take because I am afraid of losing him. (now he is the rescuer and I am the victim)
So, when you announced that you wanted a divorce, you were in the power position, or persecutor if you will. Divorcing him because he doesn't meet your standards for a spouse. Then, he turned it around on you, and all of a sudden he is the persecutor and you are the victim.
It's like a switch has been thrown inside of me and now I'm fighting hysteria, feeling abandoned and panicking, trying to figure out what I did wrong and why HE'S LEAVING ME. WTF!?!
There are many ways to play out the cycle, and it does fit perfectly with abandonment fears. Anyway, I just wanted to clarify why I posted the link. I'm sure if you look around the internet, you will find a description of the Karpman Triangle that you can relate to. It plays out one way or another in nearly all dysfunctional relationships.
L