O yeah, that rings a bell. I'm going through the same thing with my AW, just check out my "Shields are holding" threads. Its like nothing you say gets through. I met her at the hospital to tell her again that there is no hope of reconciliation and this will end in divorce. Her therapist asked me to do this because she thought it was best if it happened in place where they could help her deal with it.. It ended up with me hugging her, telling her I love her (which I do) but I can't live with her, I just can't do it. Her response was to cry and say "please don't say that". Even though earlier in the week when I talked to her on the phone she said she loved me enough to let me go.
I have now given up on trying to understand how anyone thinks, A's or not. And that includes me. I will simply observe it and respond to the actions, not the words.