Yesterday I told AH I am divorcing him. That we would let a judge decide if he can have the kids, because he wont' stop drinking. I felt, if you read my post, crystal clear and solid about what I and the kids need. Ready
I sent him an email while he was at work and he called me freaking out for an hour. I was on a conference call and he kept demanding I hang up and talk to him, that I not take the kids away from him.
I shouldn't have sent it to him while he was at work, but wasn't thinking. We had several conversations last night, none of them very productive. Last night I dreamt I found three used condoms in the garbage and when I asked him about them he laughed at me. I've had dreams like that about AH for years.
This morning I got this email:
I want to avoid confrontation. I don't know why you say I am "blaming " you. You are threatening to keep my boys from me. That's fact. We are not happy together. That's all. I don't want to feel our issues anymore. It will be fine. We need to sit down and goal set soon. Let's not get the boys involved at all please.
Talk to you later
It's like a switch has been thrown inside of me and now I'm fighting hysteria, feeling abandoned and panicking, trying to figure out what I did wrong and why HE'S LEAVING ME. WTF!?!
At least I have the intellectual capacity now to see the stark difference between how I felt yesterday and how I'm triggered today.
Cunning baffling and powerful I tell ya. That's the only possible explanation.