I did not, in any way, say that teaching responsibility is a bad thing for any parent, deny that Sheneedshelp is in great pain from dealing with her addicted daughter, or say that she has no right to enforce the rules in her own house with her adult daughter. Stop twisting my words.
What i did say is that tough love is an extension of the punitive, failed drug war, not an Al-anon principle.
Here's something sent to me by a friend, for those interested, about calling the police on your child or family member:
Unless they are willing to relinquish parenting, family support, professional treatment and community resources to cops, I suggest against calling police. Only if there are threats of physical violence
Also from the same friend. And again, take what you want and leave the rest, but these are my opinions and I won't give up hope there is room for healthy dialogue on these boards.
"It's critical not to assume ... that any and every form of support constitutes enabling. The term is over-used, misunderstood and mis-applied often where addiction is concerned - along with the terms, co-dependent and tough love.
If you are a loved one/concerned significant other of someone who is struggling with addiction, it's crucial that you seek quality evidence-based sources for peer support. More importantly, engage the help of vetted addictions professional who is experienced in current therapies designed to address substance use and co-occurring mental health disorders. Parents/loved ones have a responsibility to engage a person with an addiction disorder in a way that fosters self-efficacy for the addicted individual and promotes use of strategies that facilitate growth in relationships.
There are multitudes of information sources available for the family member or concerned loved one who truly wants to influence healthy change. It's a common trap to allow anger and resentments, directed at the addicted family member, to stall progress and sabotage the recovery of someone who is drug dependent all in the name of not being an enabler.
Learn what enabling is and what it is not in relation to your particular circumstances by investing in good quality peer support and family therapy. And never stop believing in the ability of an addicted person to make healthy change in their life. Likewise never stop believing in your potential to put into practice those interactions that serve to influence, encourage and inspire sustainable recovery and increasing growth and peace in the relationships you value. "