BecomingMe

I'm still pretty new here, and there is so much that I have found helpful as I try to figure out how to handle things. Although I am feeling a lot better about having set boundaries regarding the now ex AH (common law, not married) and stronger about getting my own life back on track the really tricky part has been setting boundaries regarding visitation of our 3 yr old. XAH relapsed after moving back in with us (having finished 6mos residential rehab during which time I moved away to go back to my degree.)

Since January he is on his 3rd job and has a DUI. I asked him to move out and we've been separated 2 months. Now he has confirmed he is going out west to work and has 2 weeks left here, and wants extra time to see his son. I have increasingly restricted his visitation privileges because he is still drinking. He almost lost father's day thanks to showing up already buzzed and stowing beer cans in his pack (yeah, I looked. I wasn't going to let him take our son out for the day if it looked like he was going to drink). Honestly, I don't know what the right thing to do is half the time. Yes, I check his pack for booze, if only to confirm what I suspect. Either way, I know he has continued drinking since moving out 2 months ago, has been suicidal, continually quacking trying to suck me into the drama.

All that is nothing compared to trying to resist the quacking and the codependency when he begs to spend time with his son before he has to leave. He wanted to spend a whole week and keep him out of daycare -- or at least a couple of days but I said no way. I can't trust him to take care of our son. How do I handle this without getting sucked into a big scene???
I told him that he's done much to prove I can't trust him with our son's safety (any sign of drinking and I don't let them out of earshot when he comes to visit) and nothing to prove that I can trust him.

I'm sure that not letting my son go off with someone who is drunk is not unreasonable but you all know what it is like presenting a rational circumstance to an A.

Even though he tells me I just accuse him of things unfairly, and I always need to control everything, and now horrible woman that I am I won't let him see his son more than he already does (which is once a day on his workdays and most of the afternoon if he doesn't work weekends). I know I am right to protect my son -- I wouldn't let him go with anyone who had been drinking -- but how do I handle this??

Sorry this is so long -- maybe with practice I will learn how to keep the posts short! ;-)