Who am I more mad at--me or him?
I am so bummed--but more at me that at him.
This is the first time since codie rehab in April that I broke my vow to not drink with him--it's 4th of July and people are all out having a good time, so he invited me to lunch. Cool. A restaurant where he typically goes. Not cool, but it's a nice restaurant--he'll drink anyway, yadayada....
So, first hour, cool, fun. Second hour, OK, cool, too. But then he's doing his "mr. wonderful" show--chatting up everyone. I'm sitting there, by myself. He brings in Ms. Sarah Jessica Parker (or, more specifically, the character she played in LA story--ditzy, wacky, silly), and introduces her to me. Then he introduces me to "Ms. Blue Eyes" who he "saved" from a creepy guy that was making the moves on her. Then he just left me sitting there while he chatted up two other women on the other side of the bar.
OK, I KNOW I should never have been there to begin with. That's why I'm mad at myself. We came home, and he sent an inane email to the kids--here they are having a nice weekend far away from his crazy parents, and he has to b*tch and complain about me--telling them that I'm a jealous woman and he can't even talk to women without me getting mad. I was sad for the kids having to read this insane email, which was clearly his own way of trying to "rally the troops" in his favor.
I am so bummed with my own "slip." It's not that I'm a "jealous woman." I just was reacting out of disappointment with my own expectations that aren't to be. I can't expect anything less than what happened. But the good thing about things like this is, they strengthen your resolve to do it right the next time.
bummer.