Sorry to hear that Caligirl71!
It's a hard situation to be in. I'm new to this site, but not new to those feelings. I've been told when he's sober that he loves me and can't picture his life without me. When he's drunk it's "there's the door", "accept me for me", and "I can replace you like that". You get mixed messages all the time.
I can't really give any advice, except that in the past I have refused to hang out with my A, simply telling him, "I don't like being around you when you've been drinking, so I'm going to go be by myself and read/watch TV/ etc." That distance, even in the other room, helped make me feel like I had some control. I think you already did this by refusing to go with him to drink (good for you!).
It's hard and unfortunately I can offer no good advice except to listen to yourself, and do what you need to do to keep yourself safe and happy. Baby steps are still steps in the right direction!!