He has to leave
24 yr. old AS has been in jail for the past 4 months. Last week my spouse and I made the mistake of bringing him home temporarily until he gets on his feet. He looks fantastic, has put on much needed weight. Our boundaries were simple, find a job, no drug or alcohol use, go to program, and a curfew as long as he was in our home.
I suppose I thought 4 months clean, once released he would start working on a program. He made all the promises to the courts. He has been out looking for work, however he has only gone to one AA meeting. We are very tense in the home with him, any valuables locked up. He has done nothing but complain the last week " he doesnt want to work for 12.00 hr., he doesnt like meetings, doesnt want everyone to know he has a problem. Last nite my spouse and I were sitting on the porch , he showed up smelt like booze, and was in a car with two other guys that looked like drug users. When we questioned him if he was drinking the answer was only one. I found beer caps in the house and on our lawn. Of course there not his. I may be paranoid, but it looks as if he has gone through some of our drawers. Have caught him lying twice. We need to tell him to leave. My intuition says he's heading back to the crack again. Part of me feels horrible because I feel such a distance from him. We love him and he is our son, but truthfully we dont know him any longer. Did I make a mistake bringing him back ? Part of me feels like I have just relapsed in my own recovery. Strangest thing is I have found pennies in his toilet.
I know once we tell him to go, there will be tears and a big scene I am dreading it, however I can not go back to where I was a few years ago.