and so it goes....I did it again..
I did it again...I believed that he was changing. He made an appt with a couselor schedule for next week....started to have a glimmer of hope. Today when AH was supposed to come visit the kids, I had tried to call a few times this morning - he was sleeping late (probablly from drinking to much last night), anyway I don't know that for sure. However I took a nap when my kids were napping and he called several times, leaving kind of a 'gruff' message. Ok...no surprise there...but anyway I tried to call him back because he was supposed to come see his daughter and son, and our daughter who is 2 1/2 has been asking when he was coming. He didn't answer. So....you can probablly guess where he was....the bar. Now I know I should have just let it go, but I am so angry. I guess not so much at him, but at me for actually allowing myself to believe his lies. And, yes when I asked him if he was drinking today he said no...he had wings and sprite...right!! Does he really believe I am that stupid...yes he does....I could tell by his voice!! He can not be honest about his drinking at ALL!!! I am just SO frustrated with myself for holding on to hope, for believing that he would/could change. Everyone here has told me SO many times, my counselor tells me.......but I don't listen very well. I am SO tired of this part of my life, and I know even divorcing him that having 2 children together that this is ALWAYS going to be an issue. Just when I find contentment with myself and my children, I seem to get wrapped back up in his awful mess!! I am working So hard on myself....it is so time to move on...