I am new to the forum so for a little background. I have been working my own recovery from an ED for the last 11 years and have learned so much about myself. Almost immediately in that recovery process I was introduced to Co-dependent No More and saw myself. I worked hard on huge pieces of that and felt like I had come a long way. I met my exAH about three years into my own recovery and we started our life together with me very well aware that I had stuff, but completely unaware that he did (we all do).
A few weeks after getting married his disease became apparent. Even with exposure and my own work I continued to take on his stuff (and that of others). Was it better than before I started my own work....YES! Was it still acting out my CODIE stuff....you bet!
It has only been the last few months (after confronting his disease, divorcing his disease, starting Al-anon work, and really trusting my own recovery and process) that I was able to actually sit with what my behavior had done for me. Prior to this I never realized I had another option but behaving in the way I did with his disease. Though far from perfect I am adjusting my behavior based on many options/choices with him but also with others in my life. For me CODIE behaviors are a perfect example of progress not perfection and trusting my journey.
What a great question...thanks for it.
Now I realize I have options