Galnva,
You've just described my life. I struggled through with terrible pain and anxiety. It was really hard to take care of my children through all of that. I made sure they were fed and made sure they had a lot of affection, but I couldn't play with them either. When they got a little older I took them to play video games and things where they could play and I could just watch.
My pain was connected to childhood events. At the time I didn't know that. The pain just seemed to be freefloating with no rhyme or reason. There was a reason though.
My advice right now would be to keep a jounal of all the good things you do for your children. I always give that advice to all mothers. When the kids are older you are only going to remember the mistakes you made. You won't remember what you did right. Write the good things down so you can remember. I really wish I had done that.
Awareness is the key to free you from your pain. It takes time. Don't beat yourself up for being where you are. Try very hard to find things to enjoy in each day. You can't get that day back again. Don't let your pain rob you of today. Soon you will find that you missed the best years of your life.
Write all the good things down so you can remember more than just the pain. Remember that nothing outside of yourself will fix this problem. It's all about you and your HP. That's where the answer is.
Hugs,
MG