snoino

I am new to this forum. I have been with my spouse for several years but only in the last few years have had to deal with my spouse's efforts at sobriety. My spouse was a functioning alcoholic our first few years together but eventually bottomed out and I saw the reality. You all know the pattern of promises, relapse, lies, return to AA, etc. The last time it happened I told my spouse that I could no longer live like this and that if my spouse did not truly embrace his program for his own benefit that we would need to go our separate ways. It wasn't an ultimatum, I let him know that with or without me, it was obviously to his benefit to be sober. The biggest difficulty was that when he relapses ge becomes very angry and our relationship is explosive. He wrote up a contract agreeing he would pack up and leave if he got drunk again. Well, he's been drinking again, but hasn't told me. But he hasn't been explosive. I see all the signs, but know that I want to support him, not leave him. I understand that he backed himself into a corner by the contract he chose to write up. There's no reason for him to tell me he's drinking because per his contract, he will have to pack up and leave. I want to confront him and see what he says, but also don't want to be an enabler. My biggest struggle is the mixed messages I get from what I read online. Some say that you always need to leave if there's a relapse, but others say it's part of the reality of being in a relationship with someone in recovery and the most important thing is to have a plan to work through it constructively. As long as we are able to do so in a healthy manner, is it always bad to stay with a spouse who relapses? It seems that being able to work through this in a healthy constructive manner is the biggest factor with a disease that has relapse built right into it.