Hard to understand
My fiance (was) and I had been together for 7 years. We have two children together, which are his. I didn't find out until about 6 months ago that he was using rx. pills, xanax and percs. I had heard as we live in a small town and I would question him but always was denied. He got introuble for stealing and when all of that happend he came out with his pill addiction.
I was raised in an abusive home, my father being the abuser. At the age of 14 I finally told my mom I couldn't take it any more it was either me or him. She did get divorced and since 14 I've not had any contact with my father and he lives 10 miles away. Not having to live in that environment and being so young and not understand what was going on as a child this was all hard to handle with my then fiance.
He decided to try on his own with failure. After many threats by myself of leaving, I've came to my breaking point. The fighting, the harsh words, the seperation from him to our children, and the "poem" I read on this site called "I am an addict." Made me realize, I can do nothing but protect my children.
Here comes the hard part, I put so much trust and effort into our relationship that he owns his own company and I work for him in the office. We've never split our bills and I've never had a "paycheck" every week, I wasn't that selfish. Other than helping him with his business I am a full time student, which will be no longer in about 2 weeks because I am failing two classes and will have to pay for them in full before I can continue with everything going on in the household, I couldn't focus on school, it was last on my mind.
He is upset with me because I've made it clear that he will not get to see his children unless supervised my his mother (we have a good relationship) and that it needs to be set days. He wants me to work in the office and I said I would think about it because it is a steady paycheck right now, I don't have to go a period of time without a job. Our house is rented but it is not a home I could do upkeep on being a single mother.
I am so mad at him.. but more so at myself. I've always been independant and strong willed, I know these are still good things to have with what I am dealing with, but I never imagined putting myself in a situation where I have no income (outside him), no home, and walking away from it all. He promises he is getting help and knows I'm serious this time, but I can't take his word, as much as I want to. I love him, but I love my children more and I can't do to them what I asked my mom to walk away from.
I guess I just want to hear success stories from people that put themselves where I am.. My family doesn't know about this. My stepfather is a corrections officers and my mother is a nurse supervisor in corrections, they have no tolerance for this stuff and bottom line, he is my childrens father, I want to see him succeed, and I don't want them to hate him for one day I hope that he can be a good father to them. So I really have no where else to turn but here. He says he feels all alone and he is the one that still has his business (that I've kept afloat) and his house (that I've kept clean and tucked the kids into bed every night). He has no clue inside how hurt I am, I've only shown being strong willed and anger. I feel crying and expressing my worry to him only shows him weakness, and I can't let him see that I am weak bc I know I'll be taking advantage of.