My next blog entry. No need to read, too long. But it's nice to spill it out.
Still going. Third day. Hope I am not annoying anyone by bumping this thread so much.
Slept pretty poorly last night again. Felt myself twitch a few times which is probably the withdrawal. But again, for the most part it hasn't been horrible for me. I was pretty tired today but find myself more talkative at work and avoiding people less. Which is REALLY weird for me. Got pretty cranky by the end of the day and find myself a bit snappy at times but for the most part I am happier during the day and way more productive at work not being hung over.
I'm worried that I may at some point decide(stupidly) that I can eventually manage drinking like a normal person again. For now, I don't want to at all. Even though we still have beer rye and rum in the house. I can reach behind me right now and grab it if I want, but I don't want to. Every alcoholic wants to be normal again. But I know from pas experience, that first drink is the only good one. And I can't stop at that first drink. I'd love a beer right now, or more so, a big huge shot of rye. But I'd only want it for the rush of the buzz. Which is why I am here in the first place.
Being crabby when I got home today I decided to lift some weights. Which is something I used to do avidly before I became an alchy. I am 50 lbs heavier than I was 5 or 6 years ago when things started ramping up. Hopefully with not taking in the extra empty 1500 cals a day, working out, and simply getting some testosterone back from not drinking I can get back to a decent shape and healthy again.
I do find myself a bit bored because, well, drinking from 4-10 pm everyday was my past time. I find myself constantly thinking about how it will be telling people I am quitting drinking and how it will be at family gatherings etc. in which I used to pig out on booze. But there are sooooo many good thoughts during each day too. Like not worrying about being too hung over to do anything the next day when the wifey and I are in our romatic hotel this weekend. Worrying that I will be too hung over if there is some sort of activity or get together on saturday. Packing loads of aspirin or whatever for the inevitable hang over. No more!
Still worried about all this. But happy that so far I haven't suffered nearly as much as most of you from detox. I feel quite guilty about it actually, and I keep thinking something is going to bite me in the ass for it. Or, I will do something stupid about it because it hasn't been the worst days of my life like it is for so many. But right now I am determined and feel good about what I am doing, and I feel less guilty and better about myself.
Anyway, signing off again. On to day 4 tomorrow.