Thank you Dee, Zebra, Suki and Cherry for a more than anticipated quick response. It means a lot! Thanks for taking your time to read my story, fragmented as it might be :o.
Zebra, yeah I can imagine people would switch to alcohol instead of pot for the legal reasons, job applications and testings and whatnot, but I didn't stop pot for that reason. My head is in a terrible state at the moment and I'd like to say that because of the pot abuse from college over the last few years. Legal reasons, pfff, I haven't landed in prison (yet) because I've been lucky in dodging cops n whatnot. I can't concentrate at all anymore and it's really affecting my life day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute..
Did you go through a similar situation? My counselor is a recovered pot addict and I really respect his developing a proper career after smoking so much in his past. It gives me an INCREDIBLE amount of perseverance and respect for him that I could end up the same way. At the moment I can't see myself in a similar situation at all. But I'd like to be able to. It would mean a lot to me :P. My head is not in a good place at the moment. I spend a good few hours crying every day just to sooth the negative emotions, then I'd hit the drink ASAP, rinse and repeat. :/
Suki, you know what, I'd love to try that 30 day thing. I do realise that I should probably give that a go, I don't know if I'll be able to do it, because my head rationalises 'somehow' that I don't 'need' to stop for that long, maybe a few drinks a day would just be enough, but therein lies the problem. I find it difficult to rationalise to myself that it's a good idea for me to lay off the drink for an extended amount of time. I haven't quite come to terms that I have a problem with drinking/ smoking (in the past) even though I've failed two university courses and caused a great deal of pain to my family and lost a good deal of great friends over the situation and my girlfriend left me. I know, and you've highlighted it that I should stop for 30 days but I just can't see myself making it at this time. How will I do it?
I don't even know now that I want to go 30 days without drinking. That's going to be so haaaard. Thanks for your message though. It helps that I realise I'm not the only one going through this stupid stupid problem. I am meant to be in control of my actions, as a human but some part of me likes the drink and the feeling it gives just too much. :/ Thank you for your reading and response however!!
Dee, thank you so much for affirming that alcohol is a substitute for pot. I sort of realised it before but wasn't willing to accept myself that it really was, but I guess it is. For me, it's just a problem of realising that it's not the desire of pot that made me scontinue it, but the desire to simply not be sober. I rationalized that it was the pot addiction that kept me smoking, but in fact it was the addiction to 'not wanting to be sober in life'. I need to find something that I truly enjoy when being sober, so I won't take these easy escapes and cave myself in on useless pursuits. Life is amazing, it's short yes, but it can be filled with meaningful activities and surrounded by loving people. I want to leave this superficial approach to life and really get to grips with what it means to be happy and human. Thanks for giving me this realisation Dee. I hope we can discuss this further.
Cherry,
I don't know how I will find the true meaning of life, if there even if one but I'd like to see if there's one while remaining sober. I know theres so much more to our life than burying ourselves in drugs and mind-altering substances and I will, WILL try hard to see what there is out there to pursue in life.
Thank you all for your time, I no way expected you all to respond quickly, if at all. It means more than (I thought previously) you know to see there's people out there that have been through a similar situation and I'd like to see where this sober, happy life can go, with it's fantastic opportunities available to us all.
-CrazyXX