My therapist said to draw a circle with a line down the middle. Write victim on one side and judge on the other and step out of the circle. Just get out of the circle. I agree here that trust is a big issue and the situation is not good for the child to observe. Marriage is a compromise/ not a standoff. Work the program you wish he would work and do some stepwork. A good friend recently told me some things about me that pissed me off first, then I actually agreed with her. I was not working the steps. I was not hanging out with people who worked the steps. Judge came up bigtime in my 4th step. I now observe (silently) when my head wants to judge. Give him to his higher power. Step away from the "A". Meeting makers make it. My friend also criticized me for not using my sponser. I immediately called my sponser.