Hello tka!
I know you came here looking for the tools to "fix" your dad. When my husband and I went to our first Al-Anon meeting, he left disappointed because "they just kept talking about us, what we should do for ourselves! When are they going to tell me what I need to do to fix my son?"
Just doesn't work that way......the link that Pelican posted has some valuable information and I hope that you will take the time to read through and really consider what it says.
I'm glad you found us.....we understand EXACTLY what you are going through and we walk with you.
Hugs and prayers for you, your Mom, and your Dad.
HG