my dad is drinking again

Old 06-11-2011, 04:46 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
tka
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 23
my dad is drinking again

Hi all, I'm a newcomer. My dad has had a drinking problem all his life. When I was kid he lost his license and finally went to rehab and got better and stayed sober for almost 20 years now.

Unfortunately he's slowly been having relapses the last couple of years.

I'm not sure what got into him to start drinking again. I believe part of it is our neighbors are heavy drinkers and he started hanging out at their house during the weekend and probably gave in to peer pressure (they are probably drunk and telling him, "oh come on have 1 drink" without realizing his past.) When I felt like something was going on I did mention to the neighbor my father was an alcoholic in the past and not to give him anymore drinks because otherwise they are just enabling him.

What was the last straw for me and to seek some help online was yesterday while driving me home from the supermarket he took a beer from under the seat and opened it and started drinking it right there in the car while he was driving in broad daylight!! Then he stopped at a 7-11 to buy a pack of cigarettes. I was just shocked he'd be so stupid to just start drinking in plain site where he could easily get stopped by a cop, get fined, risk losing his license again and who knows what else.

I asked him why doesn't he go back to AA meetings and get some help and his response is he will when he hits rock bottom. He already lost his job 6 months ago due to not getting up one morning to go to work from drinking too much the night before. Since then he's lost a lot of weight and looks terrible because any money he gets he uses it to buy cigarettes and alcohol he's hardly eating and hasn't been sleeping much. It's putting so much stress on the household. Since he's not working he tries to get money from me or my mother, and if that fails he goes to the neighbors to get a drink from them (they are the ones that gave him the beer he drank in the car yesterday). So who knows what he considers rock bottom... getting in an accident, winding up in the hospital?

I'm know I'm the daughter, he's the parent and he can live his life the way he wants. There has to be some options though. It's stressing me and mother out. Plus I'm mad our neighbors keep giving him drinks, they say they our his/our friend but then they don't really seem to care about his well being.

I just wish he'd get some help. Even though I never had a close relationship with my dad it's still sad to see him going down this path again and basically getting himself sick Sorry this is so long, just trying to put down as much as I can think of in case anyone has any ideas or help resources. Thanks to anyone who read it all.
tka is offline  
Old 06-11-2011, 06:02 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
 
laurie6781's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Welcome to Sober Recovery. You have found a great place with lots of Experience, Strength, and Hope (ES&H) from folks who have been where you are or are where you are.

Well, unfortunately there is nothing you can do for him. He's already told you in his own words 'he's not at his bottom yet' in his mind.

You and your mom,

didn't cause this

can't control this

and

can't cure this.

What you can do, is find some Alanon meetings in your area and try at least 6 different ones before making up your mind. Alanon can help you both very much.

There is also a great book, by Melodie Beattie titled "Co Dependent No More". It is available on Amazon at a very reasonable price.

Please try not to enable him, both you and your mom. Give him no money. Heck your mom can even stop doing his laundry, since he's not working and doesn't seem to want to, he can do his own.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,
laurie6781 is offline  
Old 06-11-2011, 06:09 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
peaceful seabird
 
Pelican's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family tka!

Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.

I agree with the above poster:
you didn't cause his alcoholism,
you can't control it, and
you won't be able to cure it

Some of our stories about living with and loving an alcoholic are posted in the permanent (sticky) posts at the top of the page. I am always finding inspiration and wisdom when I read those posts.

Here is one of my favorite:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Pelican is offline  
Old 06-11-2011, 06:44 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
same planet...different world
 
barb dwyer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Welcome to SR!

After you read around for a while
you're going to find
there's others here struggling
with exactly the same thing -

they find support here.

And they're encouraged to find outside support
in their real life world as well.
Just like will happen here for you as well.
I hope you'll continue to post
and make some new friends
and see that you're not alone.

Welcome!
barb dwyer is offline  
Old 06-11-2011, 06:45 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
Seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello tka!

I know you came here looking for the tools to "fix" your dad. When my husband and I went to our first Al-Anon meeting, he left disappointed because "they just kept talking about us, what we should do for ourselves! When are they going to tell me what I need to do to fix my son?"

Just doesn't work that way......the link that Pelican posted has some valuable information and I hope that you will take the time to read through and really consider what it says.

I'm glad you found us.....we understand EXACTLY what you are going through and we walk with you.

Hugs and prayers for you, your Mom, and your Dad.
HG
Seren is offline  
Old 06-11-2011, 07:31 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
1000 Post Club
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
I would tell the neighbors to stop giving him the booze. Of course money or no money your dad will find a way to get drunk. Alcohol is fairly cheap and he needs to really want to stop. Cracking a beer while driving during the day seems like a cry for help. Perhaps he wants to hit a new bottom so he will get sober?
Justfor1 is offline  
Old 07-03-2014, 07:47 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 1
I'm currently in the same situation- except my feelings towards him are anger. I don't want to talk to him, I feel like it's extremely pathetic and I have no sympathy for him. Before this, we used to be the closest thing on this planet. He used to be my rock. I can't talk with him about it because I DON'T WANT to be calm, I want him to know how his behavior pisses me off and that he's better than this. Strange that I would react in this way because I always had my dads back when it came to anything. But now I'm feeling like he's a loser and just asking for attention like a child. Why can't I be more sympathetic?
Daisymama is offline  
Old 07-03-2014, 07:55 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Tka, I'm glad you are here, but sorry for the reason that brought you here.

You've got some good advice here and lots of resources.

It hurts to see a loved one do this and feel like they don't even care about themselves or anyone else.
Croissant is offline  
Old 07-03-2014, 08:21 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
honeypig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,478
Just so the new posters here know, this thread is dated June of 2011. You might like to start a new one of your own if there isn't a lot going on on this one.
honeypig is offline  
Old 07-03-2014, 08:32 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Originally Posted by honeypig View Post
Just so the new posters here know, this thread is dated June of 2011. You might like to start a new one of your own if there isn't a lot going on on this one.
Thanks Honeypig...I've been caught out on that before. I usually check the dates, I'm tired....time for bed for me!
Croissant is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:23 AM.