You seemed pretty focused on the progress he is making in his recovery, and you don't seem to be pleased with your own. I want you to be pleased with your own!
I ws just reading in "Transforming Our Losses" about being careful what you wish for, and that popped into my head when I read your post. We see so many posts on here where people say, "if they just stopped drinking, everything would be perfect", or something to that effect. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. There is alot of work ahead, for both parties, if a relationship is going to recover from the effects of this disease. Many times, one or both parties become different people during the process of recovery, and discover that they just don't fit anymore. Others are drawn closer and closer during the course of their growth. You never know how it will turn out.
I do know this, I think it's more important to forgive yourself before you even think about trying to forgive him. You did the best you could with the tools you had available, and beating yourself up for staying in a relationship that you really hoped would work is not constructive hun... be gentle with yourself, it's so important. You did the best you could.
