Originally Posted by
SwanSong 
We aren't used to feeling our feelings or our emotions because we self medicated while we were drinking. At one AA meeting when I was in my 1st 30 days I recall someone sharing about the 3-8's, where she said that when she first got sober she was either a 0 (life's miserable and pointless) or a 10 (life's wonderful and peachy) and after a couple years sober she now lives in the 3-8's (life is rough or can be really good) and is no longer living in those emotional extremes. For me this started happening within the first few months so please hang in there.
Thanks SwanSong, this really speaks to me. I've written on here the past couple days about how nice it was to feel clarity and peace for the first time in a long time, and even how strange it is to feel tired! I guess these emotions... and I don't even know what to call them (fear? lack of control? grief at having to admit and accept that I have this big problem? anxiety about how to deal with it?) are also ones I need to feel for the first time. I get how this is the 0 and at times I've been feeling the 10's and man I will take it! Just to feel the 10's ha ha. Overall I haven't felt this happy without alcohol since childhood/adolescence it seems. And the happiness I felt with alcohol was not nearly the same as what I've been feeling lately sober... it just doesn't compete.
Whenever I feel worried about
if I can drink again or
when I can drink again or how much or how I'm going to deal with it or what to tell my friends, I am going to pause and focus on the benefits thus far. I have been more clear-headed, more at peace and have felt better physically, mentally and emotionally. (Except for today with the emotional part but I am beginning to see why and I still wouldn't trade it.) So why would I want to change that by drinking? Why is it so bad to say I don't ever want to drink? When that feels over-whelming (and it sure does lately with this AA stuff), I will just tell myself "I don't want to drink today" and take it from there. That's what I was doing and I was feeling great but I think the stuff about admitting I'm an alcoholic and can never drink again really threw me for a loop because it felt so very overwhelming. But maybe it is something I need to deal with. Thanks again.