It's not that I really monitored my husbands drinking so much as I watched everyone. I don't drink (don't understand the appeal) and amongst our friends I am the person who watches over them. It's more a protector thing than anything else.
Watching over, being a protector? You could have codependency issues: there is a forum here for codependents. Lots of people have absolutely no interest in what other people drink: they feel no need to protect or monitor other adult people: protecting and monitoring is what parents do for children, not what adults do for each other. Protecting, monitoring is classic codependent behavior. Am I saying you are one? No, I don't know enough about you. Only you will ever know if you are.
By the way my husband has said he was only an alchoholic for 2 years.
That is probably not possible. I am of the school of thought that we are born alcoholics. Again, many may disagree with me there. That is my opinion.
Before that he says he was fine and I think he was. We owned a business together and were pretty much together 24/7, so not much opportunity to get drunk working 60 hours a week. He did have some trouble adjusting after we sold our buisness (we ran it for 25 years) . He was used to being the boss.
Do you mean that he drank when you sold the business?
I have been going to counseling with him, but at this point he blames me for all that is going wrong
Well, that statement surprises me. If he is going to AA and working the steps, especially 3 an 4, he would not be blaming you for all the problems. The opposite would be happening, more than likely.
I think dina dear...that one thing is clear. You are having marriage problems! Are they alcohol related? Who knows? Your husband thinks he is an alcoholic. Maybe he knows about himself, maybe he should be trusted to believe that about himself. Maybe he is not. Lord knows there are plenty of non-alcoholics in the rooms of AA and they drive me nuts. I want to hear a REAL alcoholic share their story, not some girl who has eating disorders share about how much food she threw up in the morning.
But...despite my resentment about all the non-alkies in AA, the fact is that the 12 steps
helps those people. The food addicts, the dope heads, the manic depressives...all those people who aren't really drunks actually get better in AA.
And Dina, that is because the 12 steps are really a fantastic way for anyone to develop and improve as a human being. Your husbands attempt to right the wrongs and rectify the perceived wrongs he has done to you in the past sound like a
good thing. I have to say this: maybe you didn't want to hear about those past wrongs? Maybe this whole process is uncomfortable for you because it is forcing you to change, too?