I really like this thread. As someone who has always had faith but yet never fully trusted God, the concepts in AA or Alanon involving giving into God's will, Letting go and letting God etc have been a little bit of a struggle for me. There is part of me that is angry with God, he took my mother when she was 47 just a few days after my first child was born. I explained this to my brother who is very religious and he simply said to me that God did not take mom, he just welcomed her into heaven when it was her time to be there. My mom made choices (her free will) to act in ways that more than likely caused her to die early in life (smoking, stress). I am also certain that God encouraged her many times to make better choices. How this relates to God's will is simply allowing him to guild you to making choices that are the best, even if you don't feel it is the way you want things to work out. I want my AH to find recovery and I want to live happily ever after, but my AH may not be following that path so I have to accept that God will see me through if I let him. As I struggle with the next steps I need to take in life I have found that if I give it time and listen to my gut (which I think is God) the answers are coming. I find that when the pieces fall into place I am on the right track. If I am really struggling to make things fit it is likely my will that is taking over.
Right now I am struggling with going back to work full time. It is a step in the direction of seeing my marriage failing. I would only be doing it because I don't feel that things will get better. BUT I really don't want to go back to work full time. I really want my AH to "get it" and get better. The signs I have been given so far tell me that I really should go back. I have been in contact with a friend who can help me. We started talking again and meeting for lunch after many years of just exchanging Christmas cards. I really believe God put her back into my life now for a reason. Every discussion/talk with my AH makes my gut scream "this is not getting better", "there is nothing he is saying which tells me to give it more time". So I keep taking baby steps toward getting back to work and every step I take makes me feel better, not worse. It makes me see that I am on the right path and it gives me strength to take more steps. There is nothing passive about finding a job!
I hope my rambling helped a bit. I think little by little I am starting to understand more about how Alanon works. There is a balance in life we all should strive to have. Our HP can help us through to find this balance even in our darkest hours.