A lot of AA is about addressing codependency in our relationships; not just our codependency with alcohol. Sounds like he is unhappy in your marriage and hasn't decided what he wants to do next. You sound pretty unhappy too. Have you guys tried working together on your marriage with a counselor? Maybe separating isn't the worst idea either. It sounds to me like you're in his head and out of your own because of it and maybe a little distance would help.